As a parent of a child with autism I am frequently asked, “Do you think your daughter is autistic because of the vaccinations?”

I hate that question because it either puts me in one camp or another. And I am in neither. I’ll tell you why.

My daughter was a typically developing child until 15 1/2 months. Then the bottom dropped out and she regressed and transformed into a completely different child with significant developmental delays and auditory/sensory issues.

My beautiful baby girl was healthy and happy as a newborn and infant. She hit every milestone, ate like a champ and slept through the night at six weeks old. She was purely angelic, one of the easiest-going babies I have ever met. She loved to giggle and laugh. She smiled at anyone who said hello to her. She would watch people and her face lit up when I walked in the room. She babbled and cooed very early. At seven months old, we taught her to turn on the light switch when we went downstairs. At eight months old she grabbed my thumb, looked at me and put my thumb in her mouth when she wanted food. She pointed at things she liked in books – namely Elmo – and said “La la la la” when she wanted to watch Sesame Street. (Elmo’s theme song starts out “la la la la”. She loved to go to the park and swing on the baby swings. She said “hi” at nine months old. By a year, she had five or six words. She did not walk until she was 15 months-old, but neither did my husband or I. And she “cruised” along the furniture from ten months, so we were not concerned. She achieved every milestone on the checklist at her 15 month check-up.

She was sick with a cold at her 15 month check up.  The pediatrician asked me if I wanted to go through with the MMR shot or wait.  I asked if it was safe to give it to her because she was sick.  The doctor said, “yes, it is safe”.  I nodded my head OK.  I felt uneasy about my decision.  I have Ava some Tylenol for the shot and some Benadryl for the congestion – both were OK’d by the pediatrician.

Ava’s cold got worse.  I took her back to the doctor a few days later.  The covering physician prescribed an antibiotic for a possible bacterial infection.  I asked if it was OK to give Ava antibiotic since she just had her MMR vaccine.  I was told it was perfectly safe.

Ava had a bad reaction to the antibiotic.  She zoned out and slumped over in a daze.  We could not snap her out of it.  She lost interest in learning how to walk and just wanted to be held.  She wouldn’t respond to her name or favorite toys.  She would curl into a ball on our lap and stare into space.  Our bubbly, giggly toddler was now a zombie who did not communicate.

Of course, we rushed her to the doctor who upon examining Ava told us this reaction “was the antibiotic and we should take her off immediately”.  We did and the zoning out stopped.  But Ava no longer said words, looked at us or acknowledged we were in the room.  We took her to the park and she screamed when we put her on the swing – one of her favorite activities.  She played with toys differently and began to eat inedible objects and substances like dirt, paper and Styrofoam.  She regained her desire to learn to walk, but engaged in a lot of self-stimulatory behaviors such as hand flapping, mouth tensing and bouncing up and down.  She would run back and forth repeatedly, the same path, without looking at her surroundings.  I tried to read her story books like I used to, and she would not follow my voice along or point to pictures as she did before.

And I panicked once again.  I took Ava back to the pediatrician and the covering doctor gave me the referral to the NJ Department of Early Intervention and a referral for several developmental pediatricians.  I had to wait two months to get an appointment.  I called every week asking if there were any cancellations.  Finally, we saw the developmental pediatrician and Ava was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.  She was later diagnosed with autism, sensory and auditory processing disorders.

So, the question remains.  Did vaccines cause my daughter’s autism?  Or was it the damaging combination of antibiotics, MMR vaccine, a compromised immune system, genetics, Tylenol, Benadryl and a toxic world?  Is it my age?  My husband’s age?  The fact that we did IVF with her? I know one thing – NO ONE KNOWS. I saw my daughter’s regression first hand.  She was not the same child after her MMR vaccine, however, all of her other contemporaries who were vaccinated at the same time are typical children.  Some of her contemporaries who were not vaccinated have autism.  So why my child?

Dr. Wakefield’s study did neither confirm or deny my daughter’s autism was caused by vaccines.  And since his study was deemed fraudulent, I can’t help but retrace my steps and scratch my head about the MMR’s role in my daughter’s developmental regression.  It makes the debate even more muddled.  Dr. Wakefield and his supporters screaming foul play and smear campaign and the scientific community shaking it’s head in dismay.  As a parent, I would LOVE something or someone to blame.  I would love to find out the cause – and find a cure.  I wish Dr. Wakefield’s study was not false, so I could find a peace of mind.

So what if Dr. Wakefield’s study is a fraud?  It still does not take away the fact that MY DAUGHTER HAD AUTISM.  Parents and doctors need to be better educated about vaccines – and vaccines need to be administered with the child’s health in mind.  Babies and children are given a lot of vaccinations in a short amount of time.  And if a child’s immune system is compromised, how will the vaccines affect the child?

I do believe in vaccinating – safely vaccinating.  I do not want to return to a world where diseases take the lives or cause suffering for children.  With autism so prevalent, we need to take a look at the vaccinations – the scheduling of vaccines and the safety of vaccines. My daughter’s diagnosis has made me realize that we all need a better education.  Let’s hope that with this education the autism rates decline and we learn to detect, treat and possibly cure this disorder.

I write a blog about my daughter’s journey on the autism spectrum:  http://allaboutavajolie.blogspot.com