The Balancing Act
In raising my son, Elijah, I find that managing my expectations is a balancing act. It’s like I’m a gymnast and I must constantly be careful not to fall off of my balance beam.
On one side, is optimism. Optimism, of course, is a good thing. If I allow myself to live in a optimistic fantasy, though, I will find myself disappointed. I will place my own dreams on my child, things I thought about being a parent long before I ever became one.
Our son won’t always have disabilities, I’ll tell myself. Someday, he’ll simply outgrow these behaviors. I’ll look back at this experience and wonder how we did it.
On the other side of the balance beam is reality. Reality, of course, is a good thing, but if I only focus on what is and not on what could possibly be, I’ll sink into a world of despair. I will only see my son’s disadvantages. I’ll wonder what he’s going to be like when he’s older and how I will be able to handle him.
He’ll never be able to feed himself, I might think. The speech will never come. We won’t be able to get him to stop his self-injurious behavior completely. Things are never going to get better.
It’s treacherous waters on either side of my balance beam. Most of the time, you’ll find me wobbling along, almost falling to either side often. When I fall (and I will) I remind myself that it’s okay to fall as long as I keep going. I get back up and start walking and wobbling again – constantly trying to manage the hope, optimism and reality that are fighting for room in my heart. Somehow, there is space for it all.
On my beam I can accept my son for who he is and hope for what he might be. When I’m able to keep my balance, it’s a beautiful thing.
Do you struggle to manage your expectations for your child?
This post was refurbished from a post Lisa wrote on her blog, www.elijahland.com.
I understand this delicate dance completely. It really is a careful balance!
I am read for the blanceing act hope to be a foster parent soon…. I have take classes just waiting for the paper work
Once you get in the groove it seems to balance itself out. God bless you and your kids.
I always look on the positive but I know My SIL feels the same way as she only was able to have one child and he is moderately autistic. My SIL has him in a gazillion different programs as he thrives being busy and scheduled. I am sure some days she feels like she is on a tight rope and almost falling but some how she makes it through- I am not sure that I would be that tough
also she reads a ton of books too…a lot of them regarding special needs children and autism they seem to help