First and foremost, this is not a judgement call on any parent.

Raising a child with special needs is difficult.   Nothing prepares us for a child with special needs, unless we grew up with a child with special needs or we are a professional in special education.  A diagnosis can be a tough pill to swallow.

My daughter was born and my heart exploded with joy.  She was perfect – and still is.  She has autism.  She was diagnosed at 19 months.  I noticed her deficits at 16 months, but it took me three months to get an appointment with a developmental pediatrician to get a professional diagnosis.

Even though I consider myself well-read and educated. OK, I got a degree in English and Theatre, I am not a rocket-scientist.  Needless to say, I was BLINDSIDED by my daughter’s diagnosis.  She was typically developing until fifteen months of age.  At sixteen months she had spiraled downward and lost her words, eye contact, joint attention and ability to communicate.  She did not respond to her name.  She did not know we were in the room most of the time.  I was told by friends and family that I was “over-protective” and “being too critical and over-bearing”.  “She will catch up”, I was told.  I cried every day because I knew my daughter was not “normal” and doubted my sanity at times.

Well, she didn’t catch up.  She got worse.  She developed sensory and auditory issues – she suddenly hated being on a swing, when she used to love going to the park and sitting on the swings.  She no longer tolerated certain textures and noises.  She appeared to be deaf – not responding to noises like a telephone or a loud crash.  If I spoke to her, she never heard or understood a word a said.  But she lit up like a Christmas tree when I sang her favorite songs.  She started eating inedibles like dirt and cardboard.  Not in an “experimental” toddler way – but in a compulsive way.  She was drawn to these substances and craved them.  She developed repetitive behaviors like hand flapping and tensing her mouth when she got excited, tired or cold.  I watched my sweet girl dramatically change into a very different child and I could not dismiss that this was a typical phase of toddler-hood.

So I snapped into action.  It’s as if someone flicked a switch and I was in search and destroy mode.  I was on a mission to search for what was wrong with my daughter and destroy it before it took away her livelihood.   She was diagnosed with autism and the nay-sayers were silenced.  I was validated.  But who cares, my child was diagnosed with autism!

I realize not all parents react the way I did.  My daughter regressed and lost her means of communication.  To me, the change was so drastic, I KNEW something was wrong.  I watched her in music class one day, licking the plate glass door and screaming when the children squealed with delight.  Deep in my heart I knew something was not right, and my daughter needed my help.

Some parents do not want to know that anything is wrong with their child.  It is certainly not an indication that they do not love their child.  Sometimes they love their child so much, thinking anything is wrong is crushing.  A child holds the parents’ hearts and souls, it is incomprehensible to conceive that anything is wrong.  And there are some parents who believe that something is wrong with their child when the child is typically normal.  That is an extreme, but we’ve all met those parents.  And I must defend them, because with the amount of misinformation in the world and on the internet in particular, it is easy to be convinced that your child has a disorder.

I remember feeling, and still do, that I wish it was me with the disorder and not my daughter.  I’d do anything to give her the neurologically typical brain.  However, because of a few people in my life who are autism professionals, I was able to do what was needed to help my daughter.  Without their guidance, I may have stuck my head in the sand and wished autism would go away.

Although I do understand the complexities and heart break of hearing a child’s diagnosis, I am fully committed to early intervention and treatment.  We can’t be afraid to treat our children with disabilities, because time is of the essence.  Especially with neurological disorders, the brain is still forming until the age of five.  Parents need to act quickly and without abandon.  Parents have to find their strength and get in search and destroy mode.  They must equip themselves with resources and support.  And that is probably the hardest part – finding support and validation.

Education, compassion, awareness and commitment are key to being an effective parent – whether a child has special needs or not.  However, we must be our own clearinghouse and wade through the hype and the ignorance and find the truth.  We must not be afraid of labels, but view them as a way to get our children the help they need.

I know, this all seems so lofty and easier said than done.  But I say this as parent whose dust has cleared and now I can see and reflect clearly.  Our love for our children should lead us to do what is right for them.  If it means telling off the voices against us or combating our worst fears, so be it.  Moving forward is the only option.

I see my daughter as perfect.  Perfectly flawed as well, like any other child.  I accept her diagnosis under the condition that I will do whatever it takes to make her life fulfilling and happy.  Just as any other parent would.

My blog is called All About Ava  http://allaboutavajolie.blogspot.com