Weird, Unexpected Reactions: His & Mine!
What do you do when someone reacts oddly to your child with special needs?
Usually, I take it as an opportunity to educate someone who is obviously ignorant about the topic… otherwise they wouldn’t be acting in an uncomfortable manner. But, I had a very strange experience a few weeks ago. My first in five years of parenting my beautiful little identical-twin men who happened to have been born with an extra 21st chromosome each — a condition also known as Down syndrome.
We were enjoying a late afternoon ice-cream at The Mystic Seaport not long ago when a group of young-ish Seaport employees — 2 men and a woman I’d place in their mid-twenties — sat down at the next table. The Boys immediately began their usual Hi/Hello campaign to attract the newcomers’ attention. The young lady succumbed to their boyish charms and was immediately smiling and engaging with them. This apparently brought them and their Down syndrome selves just a tad too close for comfort for one of her male companions. My Little Man immediately walked over to shake hands with all 3 of the folks at the next table. Two out of the 3 happily complied. While I totally understand that some people just don’t want to be interrupted with the coy shenanigans of my little men, all My Little Man did was say hello and put a hand out to shake on it. Not only did the young man in question NOT respond to my Little Man’s friendly advances, instead, he chose to completely ignore him in a most bizarre manner. Despite my son’s best effort to engage him, he stared HARD at the table’s blank surface, not speaking to anyone or moving a muscle for a good long time… And never once did he even glance at the friendly little face by his side, eagerly awaiting acknowledgement. Just in case you’re wondering if it was just me being sensitive, while this young man continued his bizarre behavior, ignoring my son, his young lady friend was poking at him saying, “What’s wrong with you? Stop doing that! Just say hello!”
It was a completely bizarre reaction on his part and everyone who witnessed it agreed. There was no reason or explanation for his behavior… Except, it suddenly occurred to me, maybe he had his own special needs and just wasn’t able to do what is expected of a “typical” adult in that situation. So I called my Little Man away explaining that the man just didn’t want to shake hands. And I did not address the young man nor his aberrant behavior. I did not report him to his management though some would say working with the public, that man needs to learn how to address everyone he encounters — special needs or otherwise — in a more positive and respectful manner. Maybe so. But I hope my actions were perceived somewhere in the universe — and maybe even by that strange man who may well be a person with special needs himself — as cutting him some slack.
It’s what I hope others will do for My Boys when and if the time comes.
Visit Maggie and her gang at Walkonthehappyside.blogspot.com
I applaud your action! I try to always look at things from others perspective (even though it’s hard sometimes). I agree his reaction was bizarre, but like you said, perhaps he has his own special needs or maybe he has a traumatic experience with special needs? (I mean a friend or loved one have a need that didn’t go well or wasn’t handled well). And your boys are adorable btw!
Your boys are certainly adorable. Sometimes it’s great having such kind and loving children, sometimes at times like the moment you described it’s a bit more challenging for us since we know all our children want to do is share their feelings. And I do think you cut him some slack.
That was a good call on your part. When I read how he reacted, my first thought was autism as that is how my son (he’s autistic with pervasive developmental delays) would react sometimes. Granted my son is 7 and this young man is much older, still, I think cutting him some slack was the right thing to do.